Sigh

You know that weird moment when you should be higher than ever and yet you're fighting back tears? Well, I had that very badly last night. It's still not completely gone. The annoying thing is, I can't tell anybody because it'd make me sound like a bitch. Or, well, the people I would tell just wouldn't get it.

Last night was performance number 3. Today is our last one. Its good and I love it and there is very little that can beat the thrill of being on stage, but I hate it and I just want it to end. No one else in the cast seems to get that, I absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow when it's all done.

Also, I'm supposed to be the actor in my group of friends, and I got a smallish part. One of my best friends, who has no previous acting experience, got a lead. This hurts a shitload more than I can say, and at the moment its a constant struggle to convince myself that I don't completely suck. Oh course, I can only reveal this to a few people without sounding like a complete bitch. You know what also hurts? The majority of my group didn't even realise I was in the bloody play until about a week ago. That stings.

Well... I guess that's all my bitching done. At least its finished tonight and things go back to normal, and tomorrow I can see my boyfriend, who, along with my best friend, is pretty much the only reason I've gotten through all of this. Because a lot of the time giving up seems a shitload easier. Including now.

Ah well, I'll live. I'm a better actor than everyone thinks, they all think I'm happy. Ha. If only they knew.