Things are... getting better. Not totally better, but life is getting there. I've been really struggling with eating the past few days. Only eating a little bit of dinner and, today and yesterday I also had some fruit. Starving myself caused me to lose 4kg in just a few days. That really scares me. Only my boyfriend and best friend know about any of this. They have been absolutely amazing, I doubt I would have eaten that much without them. Really been feeling the physical effects, but unfortunately in that mindset its worth it.
But, with the help of Sam and Lian things are getting better. I plan on eating a bit more each day. Just healthy stuff, probably. I really, really, really miss chocolate, but the thought of putting back the weight I lost scares me. It sounds stupid, but I feel skinny now. I am hoping that by Thursday I can at least have a hot chocolate, and then on the weekend have something awesomeley and deliciously chocolatey. I'm not sure, but thats what I'm hoping for. I've been completely addicted to chocolate for years and the thought of having it in 'moderation' seems weird and kind of impossible, but I think if I can master that things will seem easier.
I guess all I can hope for is that life keeps looking up. With Sam and Lian I don't think they can really go down again. I think things are going to continue getting better. Maybe not quickly, but they will. Eventually, I will be better.
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